Rush.

With Christmas just a week away, I feel like most people around here at work are either rushing to get everything done or they are procrastinating in ways never heard of before. I'm both at this point. But I also don't have all the vacation time that they do, so I''m not as worried because next week and the week after I'm going to be all by myself and I be as leisurely productive as I'd like.

The guy from Maine won Survivor! That makes me happy for several reasons: 1, He's a mainer. 1, He is the sweetest nicest most productive member of society ever and 3, I saw my Hannah on TV talking about him because he teaches at Gorham HS! What more can I possibly ask for?

I need a new car. Or to actually put a LOT of money into the one I have for repairs. If I had better credit, I would look into getting something newer...but it is not in the cards right now. Save save save.

Christmas cards got sent out. They are 'awesome' this year. The people who have gotten them already are happy with what I did, so that is good enough for me.

Why is there so much chocolate around Christmas?

Gymmin' fool.

I added World Gym to my existing Planet Fitness membership (yep, that's right. I now go to TWO gyms), because World Gym has group classes that are included in the membership and together both of them still only cost me $30/month. Worth it!

I did my first group class today, and it was a strength/muscle training sort of class that kicked my ass completely. I never would have done the sort of repetitions that it required of me on my own, but because there was someone calling the shots and other people around me doing it as well, I did it. Fifty freakin' minutes of it. I was jelly afterward, and with a whole new determination to not be this body anymore. I don't feel the way I look, and I'd like for those two things to become far more cohesive than they currently are. The funniest thing about how I managed to get through today was that competition gave me the extra edge I needed. Just the desire to not be the worst person in the class. In a lot of cases my competitive nature can work against me, but this time it may be my saving grace. Hey, whatever it takes.

I think I'm ready to admit it, but...I'm terrified every Sunday evening of going to work for Monday. For the first time in years I dread going to my job. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out if I made the right move, and while I'm confident that I did...I wonder if I'm going to live to tell anyone that it was. I know that my own bad decisions will ultimately be the reason that I fail if I let it get in the way of the great work that I am capable of. I'm an amazing worker, with a talent for the things that I do and I just need to step it up and accept that for the first time in my working career I am being CHALLENGED. Being good no longer cuts it. I'm being forced to prove that I  deserve to be where I am, every day, and I'm really uncomfortable saying that this is a first for me. It's no longer effortless, and it wears on me in ways that I'm not used to. People who succeed in life the most are the ones who are the worst equipped to deal with failure, and I don't know how to lose.  

So I guess I just better win.

Post Thanksgiving.

Yesteday was the first year that I didn't have Thanksgiving with my family. It was strange, and very un holiday like. I thought I would like it better, and in the fact that I didn't have to stress about anything I did...but I also missed being around my family. Fortunately, Christmas will be with them and I like Christmas was better anyhow.

Speaking of...I'm pumped about getting gifts for people. It's my favorite part. Some people are harder to pick out for than others, but the ones where I know I'm dead on makes me feel real nice.

I'm the only one at work today, and it's incredibly hard to stay focused on tasks at hand. Hence, while waiting for something to load I update a little here. Huzzah!

Halloween @ work.

80's Roller Rink Rat

Action shot

With my old boss, Jason. I miss him terribly, even though we still work in the same building.